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by Keith & Tami Kiser
Using a Radio as a Football (Not a Good
Idea!)
On a recent retreat led by Keith, there was a
frantic search for a football. It seems that
somebody (namely Keith) forgot to bring it
along. Needless to say, there were some unhappy
guys when it came time for recreation. Twelve
guys eager to play football-- without a
football. It wasn't a pretty sight! One of the
guys jokingly suggested that they could use the
boom box as the ball.
Can you imagine what would have happened had
they actually played football using the radio?
The first dropped pass and smash!-- no more
music. Obviously, this story is absurd: No one
would really consider doing it-- no matter how
desperate one felt.
But it illustrates a very important point. We
get the most pleasure and value out of things
when we use them in the way they were meant to
be used. On the other hand, if we use something
in a way that was never intended, we can end up
harming and possibly destroying it.
Our boom box was designed to play music, not
to be tossed like a football. If we use it to
play music, it makes us happy. If we use it as a
football, it disappoints us (to say the least).
You all know this. Who would be so silly?
Consistent Conclusions
As we saw in the last chapter, human beings
were created with a specific purpose by a loving
God who wants us to be happy. This truth has
radical implications for how human beings should
"use" themselves.
Because we're created in the image of God and
adopted as his children, we must live in a way
that is consistent with our status. This is
precisely what it means to be a moral person. A
moral person is one who lives in a way that is
consistent with who he or she is as a person
created in God's image.
Our happiness depends upon living this way.
If we choose to live in ways that are less than
human, we can destroy ourselves; and ultimately,
we'll not be happy either.
Think about it. Because we're human, we have
moral obligations that other creatures don't.
For example, if we see someone hurt by the side
of the road, we realize that as human beings we
have a moral obligation to stop and help.
Suppose for a second that a bird encountered
a similar situation with a fellow bird. Would we
expect the bird to stop and help the injured
bird? Of course not! Birds don't have moral
obligations. We expect birds to act like birds.
We should expect humans to act like humans, too.
(Cf. CCC 1954-1955.)
Created Sexy
An important part of our humanity is our
sexuality. We heard a speaker say one time that
all of us are "created sexy." What she meant was
that each person is created as a sexual being.
All of us are either male sex or female sex
(even though it may be hard to tell by looking
at some people).
As we'll see in the next chapter, your
sexuality is a very good gift from God. It's
most important to understand why God made us
this way if we're to understand how to use his
gift properly.
Think about it-- God could have made us all
one sex if he wanted. If he wanted, he could
have made us reproduce like trees. (But that
would be no fun.) Thankfully, God made two
sexes. He made us attracted to the opposite sex
and attached great pleasure to the sex act.
But God wants us to use our sexuality in a
fully human way. (Remember, we are not animals.)
Another way to say the same thing is to say that
he wants us to use our sexuality in a moral way.
If we don't, the consequences could be as
disastrous as using a radio as a football.
Sooner or later we'll harm it.
Right and Wrong
But how do we know what's right or wrong
about our sexuality? Where do we find the truth
about the right way to use our sexuality? We
admitted in the Introduction that there's a lot
of confusion about this in our world today.
Many even suggest that when it comes to
sexuality there is no right and wrong behavior
for everyone. Such people suggest that it's up
to each person to decide for himself or herself
what's right and what's wrong. A person who
believes this, is called a moral relativist. For
the moral relativist, there are no sexual moral
standards that all should accept. Everything's
"relative."
Fortunately, our heavenly Father didn't leave
us guessing as to what's right and wrong with
respect to sex. Moral relativism is not an
option for Christians. Jesus made it very clear
to his disciples that he is "the way, and the
truth, and the life" (John 14:6; emphasis
added). If his disciples wanted to know the
truth about how to live, all they had to do was
ask Jesus-- who is the Truth.
Jesus knew how to live in a truly human
(moral) way. He knew what it meant to be God's
Son; and he lived in perfect consistency with
that status. Jesus knew what it meant to use his
sexuality in a truly human way.
But Jesus also struggled, like we do, with
the temptation to do wrong instead of right.
Listen to what the Letter to the Hebrews says:
"Jesus understands every weakness of ours,
because he was tempted in every way that we
are. But he did not sin! So whenever we are
in need, we should come bravely before the
throne of our merciful God. There we will be
treated with undeserved kindness, and we will
find help" (Hebrews 4:14-16; emphasis added;
CEB).
From Jesus, not only can we know the truth
about using our sexuality in a human way, but we
can go to him for the help we need so that we
can choose the right and avoid the wrong.
Follow the Instructions
You might be thinking, "Yeah, I know all this
stuff. But Jesus lived two thousand years ago.
This is the 1990s. Things are a little different
nowadays. They didn't face as many temptations
as we do. As you said before, we live in a
sex-saturated culture. Jesus didn't. And
besides, even if Jesus knows what's right and
what's wrong for us, how can he communicate that
to us? I mean, he's been dead for two thousand
years!"
Sounds like a good point; but let's not
forget who Jesus is. Jesus isn't just another
good moral teacher who lived a long time ago
(like Gandhi or Socrates). Jesus is very much
alive today. Jesus is God! (Cf. CCC 464-469.) He
is the very God who made the entire world and
each person in it. He's the God who made you and
me! The apostle John described who Jesus is: "In
the beginning was the Word [Jesus], and the Word
was with God, and the Word was God. He
was in the beginning with God; all things
were made through him, and without him was
not anything made that was made. In him was
life, and the life was the light of men" (John
1: 1-4, emphasis added).
Because Jesus is God and he created us, we're
convinced that he knows what works best for us.
He created us as sexual persons; he knows what's
right and what's wrong when it comes to sex. He
knows what kinds of behavior bring us happiness
and fulfillment and what kinds do not. He knows
what types of sexual behavior are fully human
and what types are not.
This story might help explain what we are
getting at. When Keith was a teenager, his mom
bought his dad a Sunbeam gas grill for
Christmas. Of course, the grill came unassembled
in the box. Have you ever watched your dad try
to put one of these things together? Let's just
say that for those who aren't mechanically
inclined, putting a grill together is a trying
experience. A good instruction manual is a must.
Well, Keith's mom decided that it would be a
nice surprise if the grill was already assembled
when they gave it to his dad Christmas morning.
Guess who Mom asked to put the grill together?
Right, Keith.
Now, to fully understand the gravity of what
Keith's mom was asking of him, you must
understand that Keith has a hard time telling
the difference between a screwdriver and a
wrench. It was only after several hours of
frustration and stress (and a few choice words)
that Dad's Christmas present was ready.
Without the good instructions, Keith might
still be working on that grill. Well, here's the
point: Who wrote the instructions for the grill?
Obviously, someone who works for the Sunbeam
Company. Why? Because the maker of the grill is
most competent to write the instructions. Why
again? The manufacturer knows best how the grill
is supposed to work.
As we've said, God created us, he's created
us sexual beings. And he knows what's right and
what's wrong when it comes to sex. He knows
what's helpful and what's harmful. Imagine if
Keith didn't follow the instructions when
putting the grill together: He could have blown
up his house! If we choose to disregard God's
instructions, we're heading for trouble.
A Life-Giving Law
God's laws (instructions) about our sexuality
are not meant to take away fun or be oppressive
in any way. They're given by a loving Father who
wants our happiness -- a Father who knows what
will bring us happiness and what will lead us to
experience the gift of our sexuality to its
fullest.
The author of Psalm 119 had this to say about
God's laws: "How I love your law, O Lord! / It
is my meditation all the day" (v. 97; NAB). This
kind of thinking is foreign to many teenagers.
Laws are seen as oppressive and stifling.
But if we stop to think about it for a few
seconds, God's laws are really life-giving. They
help to secure our happiness and really
experience life the way it was meant to be
lived. That's why this same Psalmist also wrote,
". . . I hate every false way" (119:104). He
knows that false ways only lead to the loss of
happiness.
The Missing Instructions
The most incredible experiences in our lives
have been the births of our six children. While
it may be true that childbirth is a great
experience, it's not for the squeamish. In fact,
it's downright gross (and for Tami, painful)!
First, the water breaks, sending amniotic fluid
all over the bed; next (Tami adds-- "after a
long labor"), the child is born.
Have you ever seen a newborn baby-- one fresh
out of the womb? In case you haven't, newborn
babies don't look like the Gerber poster child.
They're a purplish-blue color and often covered
with a white substance that looks like paste.
And just when you think it's over, the bloody
afterbirth (or placenta) is delivered. Can you
believe we have friends who actually videotaped
this?
Now what's the point of all this madness?
It's simply this: No child of ours has ever been
born with an instruction manual. The
delivery-room nurses do a lot of prodding and
searching to make sure the newborn has all his
parts-- ten fingers, ten toes, two eyes, two
ears, etc. They even check the afterbirth. Not
one has ever uncovered an instruction manual.
(Maybe God forgot to put it in the box?)
How then are we to understand how our
sexuality should be used? It makes sense to say
that Jesus is the Truth. I know he knows what's
right and what's wrong. I understand that he
made me a sexual being and that he knows how my
sexuality works best. But "he's so far away,"
you might protest, and he didn't give my mother
an instruction manual at my birth. How can Jesus
communicate the truth to us? These are good
questions.
Conscience: God's Instructions Written on
Our Hearts
Children may not be born with instruction
manuals under their arms, but God has not left
us without a way to know right from wrong. The
Church teaches us that our instruction manuals
are internal. They come built-in.
What are we talking about? Conscience, of
course. You know, the little green fellow in
Pinocchio named Jiminy Cricket.
Just kidding. Unfortunately, some people's
understanding of conscience goes no farther than
that Cricket who helps Pinocchio become a real
boy.
What, really, is conscience? What function
does it serve? It's fairly simple. Each one of
us has a law written in his or her heart: It's
God's law. Remember, we are made in God's image.
An important part of that image is his law
stamped in our hearts.
Conscience urges us to follow this law by
doing the good and avoiding the evil. The
fathers of our most recent Church council,
Vatican II, describe what conscience does for
us: "In the depths of his conscience, man
detects a law which he does not impose upon
himself, but which holds him to obedience.
Always summoning him to love good and avoid
evil, the voice of conscience can when necessary
speak to his heart more specifically: do this,
shun that. For man has in his heart a law
written by God" (Gaudium et Spes, No.
16). (Cf. also CCC 1776-1782.)
This same council goes on to tell us that our
dignity is dependent upon our obedience to this
law. And it's even by this law that God will
judge us when we die. If we obey conscience, we
will go to heaven. If not, we will suffer in
hell.
It's very important to keep in mind that
conscience is not the same thing as
personal feelings. Sometimes we hear
teenagers say they feel that it's okay
for them to be sleeping with their boyfriend or
girlfriend. They feel they are mature and
old enough. And they feel they are in
love. So they feel it must be okay to
sleep together.
These are feelings talking-- not a properly
formed conscience. Remember, conscience is the
very voice of God speaking his laws in the
silence of our hearts.
Informed Conscience
Sometimes it's very hard for us to sort out
our feelings from what our conscience is
teaching us is right and wrong. This can be even
more difficult when we hear all the voices in
the media telling us to do things that are
contrary to God's law.
That's why this same Church council, Vatican
II, tells us that we have an obligation to
properly form this conscience of ours. It's
unfortunate but true: We can mess up our
consciences. We can do this when we try to
excuse our wrong behavior by convincing
ourselves that what we are doing is really
right.
If we're honest with ourselves, we all must
admit that we do this from time to time. People
don't like the guilt that comes with wrong
behavior, so they trick themselves into thinking
that such behavior is all right.
We, too, are sorry to admit that we did this
in sexual matters when we were in high school
and college. It came to the point when we were
no longer hearing God's law in our hearts. Our
consciences had become distorted and confused.
This is why it's extremely important to
properly form our consciences. Vatican II tells
us how to do this: "In the formation of their
consciences, the Christian faithful ought
carefully to attend to the sacred and certain
doctrine of the Church. The Church is, by the
will of Christ, the teacher of the truth. It is
her duty to give utterance to, and
authoritatively to teach, that Truth which is
Christ Himself" (Dignitatis Humanae, No.
14). (Cf. also CCC 1783-1785.)
Ruled by Grumpy Old Men Wearing Funny Hats?
"The Church-- why should I listen to the
Church? It's ruled by a bunch of grumpy old men
wearing funny hats who don't want me to have any
fun. I mean-- they're still in the dark ages."
This was one girl's reaction when Tami suggested
that we should form our consciences from Church
teaching. (Actually, all the bishops we've met
have been incredibly happy and friendly people.)
Still, it's a question many teenagers ask.
And, really, why should you listen to the
Church? How is it different from other voices
calling for your attention about moral matters?
Why not form your conscience based upon what
Planned Parenthood, Dr. Ruth, MTV, or YM
magazine has to say about sex?
These questions demand thoughtful answers.
What Makes the Church Different?
What makes the Church's teaching different
from other moral views circulating in our
society? The answer lies in the passage we just
quoted from Vatican II. Did you catch what it
said? In case you didn't, it claims, "The Church
is, by the will of Christ, the teacher of the
truth."
"The teacher of the truth"-- this is not a
small claim. How can the Church make such a
sweeping assertion? The answer is found in the
fact that the Church is not merely a human
institution. It's true that like other human
organizations (such as the United States
government or a school club), the visible Church
on earth is ruled and governed by fallible
humans.
But there's something unique about the
Church. Its founder is God. What other
organization can support such a claim? That's
right, Jesus started the Church. And he gave his
Church a few special promises. Jesus promised us
that he will always be present within the
Church.
What's different about the Church? Jesus
lives in and through his Church. In fact, St.
Paul calls the Church the very "body of Christ."
The Church is not only a human institution--
it's supernatural as well. As we'll see, part of
its supernatural function is to teach Jesus'
truth about morality. (Cf. CCC 771, 787-795.)
Apostles, Bishops, the Pope, and the Truth
We are now ready to answer the question we
asked earlier in this chapter: "If Jesus has
been dead for nearly two thousand years, how can
he communicate his truth to us today?"
The answer: First, he's not "dead." He rose
again, and he's very much alive today-- in
heaven and on earth. On earth he lives in that
body St. Paul referred to. He lives in the
Church, and we are his members, his "limbs."
In your body, what tells the limbs what to
do? The head, of course. The same is true in
Christ's body, the Church. Christ, who is the
head, communicates his will and truth to his
limbs, the Church.
Jesus has started an organization that we
call the Church (his body), and through its
organization, Jesus teaches his truth to all
generations. But we can still be more specific
about how Jesus intended the Church to do this.
If you're a member of a club at your high
school, you know something about how
organizations generally work. Most clubs elect
officers to direct the activities of the club.
If your clubs are anything like ours were,
the elected officers are the very important core
of the club. In most cases, without the
direction and activity of the officers, the club
would not accomplish much.
Well, Jesus appointed officers for his
organization, the Church. Notice that we said
that Jesus appointed his officers. There were no
elections for the first officers of Jesus'
Church. No, the apostles (the first officers of
the Church) were called and appointed by Jesus.
They were the first bishops of the Church.
However, Jesus did not stop with the
apostles. He selected one of the apostles to
lead the others. Of course, we are talking about
Peter, our first pope.
To his officers (the bishops and pope), Jesus
gave the very important task of teaching his
truth to the rest of the Church. To the bishops
and pope, Jesus gave the teaching office. We
call this teaching office of the Church the
magisterium. And it's important to highlight
that in their role as authentic teachers, the
bishops and pope teach infallibly on matters of
faith and morals. Vatican II explains: ". . .
the Roman Pontiff, the head of the college of
bishops, enjoys [this infallibility] in virtue
of his office, when, as the supreme shepherd and
teacher of all the faithful, who confirms his
brethren in their faith (cf. Lk. 22:32), he
proclaims by a definitive act some doctrine of
faith or morals... " (Lumen Gentium, No.
25). The document goes on to explain: "The
infallibility promised to
the Church resides also in the body of
bishops, when that body exercises supreme
teaching authority with the successor of Peter."
But how can the bishops and the pope (the
magisterium) possibly carry out such an
important task? What's to keep them from
teaching their own opinions instead of what
Christ wanted taught? We've admitted that the
bishops and popes are fallible men. The answer?
The Holy Spirit. (Cf. CCC 77, 857-865, 888-892.)
The Spirit of Truth
Shortly before Jesus was crucified he gave
the apostles a promise. He promised to send them
the Holy Spirit. What would this Holy Spirit do
for them? Listen to Jesus' promise: "... I will
pray the Father, and he will give you another
Counselor to be with you for ever.... the
Spirit of truth..." (John 14:16-17; emphasis
added).
He goes on to tell us that "the Counselor,
the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my
name, he will teach you all things, and bring to
your remembrance all that I have said to you"
(John 14:26); "I have yet many things to say to
you, but you cannot bear them now. When the
Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into
all the truth..." (John 16:12-13; emphasis
added).
As you can see, the special task given to the
Holy Spirit is to lead the Church "into all the
truth." The bishops and pope cannot possibly
carry out their teaching function on their own.
Jesus knows this, so he sends the Holy Spirit to
guide them. (Remember that the Church is a
supernatural organization.)
According to St. Paul, the Spirit is so good
at his job that the Church can be called "the
pillar and bulwark of the truth" (I Timothy
3:15). (Cf. CCC 2032-2040.)
The Bible, Tradition, and the Truth
You might be wondering how the Bible fits
into all of this talk about the truth. Why do we
need the Bible if the Church teaches us Jesus'
truth?
The answer to this question is found in what
the lector says at every Mass after the reading
of the Bible. You know the sequence. After the
lector finishes the passage, he says, "The Word
of the Lord." And we respond, "Thanks be to
God."
You have heard this many times, no doubt. But
did you know that those words of the lector are
a very clear description of what Catholics think
about the Bible?
Yes, we believe that the Bible is the "Word
of God." What we mean by this is that the Bible
contains what God wanted to communicate to his
Church in writing. God directed, through the
Holy Spirit, the human authors of the different
books of the Bible to write exactly what God
wanted. St. Paul goes so far as to say that the
Bible is "God-breathed" (cf. 2 Timothy 3:16).
Because it's God's word, we can trust the
Bible to tell the truth about who God is and
what he desires for us. This is why Catholics
hold the Bible in high esteem. This is also why
we thank God after it is read. It is a great
privilege to have God speak to us. (Cf. CCC
105-108.)
But not all that God wanted to leave to his
Church was written down. Many of the teachings
were handed down by word of mouth from the
apostles.
St. John tells us at the end of his Gospel
that "there are also many other things which
Jesus did; were every one of them to be written,
I suppose that the world itself could not
contain the books that would be written" (John
21:25). The Church calls this unwritten word of
God Sacred Tradition.
It is important to point out that the Church
considers Sacred Tradition to be equally the
Word of God. It's different from the Bible only
in the fact that it has been handed down,
unchanged, by word of mouth. It is,
nevertheless, the Word of God. And like the
Bible it can be trusted as the truth.
It's the solemn duty of the teaching office
of the Church (bishops with the pope) to make
sure that this Word of God (in both its forms:
the Bible and Tradition) is correctly taught and
understood. As we have seen, it's the Holy
Spirit's job to guide them in this task. So they
will never fail. (Cf. CCC 77-84.)
Finding the Truth
So you're looking for the truth about
sexuality in a very confusing world. Look no
farther. You've found it if you looked to Jesus
Christ-- who is the Truth himself. Jesus has
seen fit to communicate his truth to us through
his body, the Church. If you look hard enough,
with the Church's help you may discover it's
written on your heart as well.
We now turn to looking at what the Church has
always taught with respect to sexuality. |
