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TRÁI TIM
MẸ: NƠI CON NƯƠNG NÁU - ĐƯỜNG ĐẾN VỚI CHÚA |
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"Chúa Giêsu muốn dùng con để làm
cho Mẹ được nhận biết và yêu mến" |
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November 5/2009 - Thursday
of 31st Week
of
Ordinary Time
LITURGICAL/THEME MEDITATION:
"Tax collectors and sinners were all
drawing near to hear Jesus"
UNIVERSAL CHURCH/WORLD EVENT(S):
On Theology of the Heart or
the Mind;
US Bishops Praise Maine's
Marriage Vote
SAINT OF THE DAY
Venerable Solanus Casey
GENERAL
MARIOLOGY
Book Six - Chapter VI
JESUS BROUGHT
BEFORE PILATE. THE SCOURGING AND
CROWNING WITH
THORNS.
DIVINE MERCY
Divine Mercy in My Soul
NOTEBOOK VI
TEACHING/TESTIMONY/CONVICTION:
The Truth About Love & Sex
Real Protected Sex - Part I
(No Condoms Needed, Just Chastity)
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DAILY LITURGICAL MEDITATION |
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Thursday (11/5): "Tax collectors and sinners
were all drawing near to hear Jesus"
Scripture: Luke 15:1-10
1 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to hear
him.2 And the Pharisees and the scribes murmured, saying, "This man
receives sinners and eats with them." 3 So he told them this parable: 4
"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them,
does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one
which is lost, until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it
on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together
his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, `Rejoice with me, for I
have found my sheep which was lost.' 7 Just so, I tell you, there will
be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine
righteous persons who need no repentance. 8 "Or what woman, having ten
silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp and sweep the
house and seek diligently until she finds it? 9 And when she has found
it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, `Rejoice with
me, for I have found the coin which I had lost.' 10 Just so, I tell you,
there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents."
Meditation: Do you ever feel resentful or get upset when
someone else gets an unearned favor or gets treated better than you
think they deserve? The scribes and Pharisees took great offense at
Jesus because he went out of his way to meet with sinners and he treated
them graciously like they were his friends. The Pharisees had strict
regulations about how they were to keep away from sinners, lest they
incur ritual defilement. They were not to entrust money to them or have
any business dealings with them, nor trust them with a secret, nor
entrust orphans to their care, nor accompany them on a journey, nor give
their daughter in marriage to any of their sons, nor invite them as
guests or be their guests. They were shocked with the way in which Jesus
freely received sinners and ate with them. Sinners, nonetheless, were
drawn to Jesus to hear him speak about the mercy of God. Jesus
characteristically answered the Pharisees' charge with a parable or
lesson drawn from everyday life.
What does Jesus' story about a lost sheep and a lost coin tell us
about God and his kingdom? Shepherds normally counted their sheep at the
end of the day to make sure all were accounted for. Since sheep by their
very nature are very social, an isolated sheep can quickly become
bewildered and even neurotic. The shepherd's grief and anxiety is turned
to joy when he finds the lost sheep and restores it to the fold. The
housewife who lost a coin faced something of an economic disaster, since
the value of the coin would be equivalent to her husband's daily wage.
What would she say to her husband when he returned home from work? They
were poor and would suffer greatly because of the loss. Her grief and
anxiety turn to joy when she finds the coin. Both the shepherd and the
housewife "search until what they have lost is found." Their persistence
pays off. They both instinctively share their joy with the whole
community. The poor are particularly good at sharing in one another's
sorrows and joys. What was new in Jesus' teaching was the insistence
that sinners must be sought out and not merely mourned for. God does not
rejoice in the loss of anyone, but desires that all be saved and
restored to fellowship with him. That is why the whole community of
heaven rejoices when one sinner is found and restored to fellowship with
God. Seekers of the lost are much needed today. Do you persistently
pray and seek after those you know who have lost their way to God?
"Lord Jesus, let your light dispel the darkness that what is lost may
be found and restored. Let your light shine through me that others may
see your truth and love and find hope and peace in you. May I never
doubt your love nor take for granted the mercy you have shown to me.
Fill me with your transforming love that I may be merciful as you are
merciful."
Psalm 46:1-5, 10-11
1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth should change, though the
mountains shake in the heart of the sea;
3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its
tumult. [Selah]
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy
habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her
right early.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God. I am exalted among the nations, I
am exalted in the earth!"
11 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.
www.dailyscripture.net
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UNIVERSAL CHURCH/WORLD EVENTS |
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On Theology of the Heart or the Mind
"To Make Truth Triumph in Charity"
VATICAN CITY, NOV. 4, 2009 ( Zenit.org).- Here is a translation of Benedict XVI's address today during the general audience held in St. Peter's Square.
* * *
Dear brothers and sisters,
In the last catechesis I presented the main characteristics of 12th century monastic and scholastic theology, which in a certain sense we could call, respectively, "theology of the heart" and "theology of reason." A wide debate, at times fiery, took place between the representatives of each current, represented symbolically by the controversy between St. Bernard of Clairvaux and Abelard.
To understand this confrontation between the two great teachers, it is good to recall that theology is the search for a rational understanding, insofar as possible, of the mystery of Christian revelation, believed by faith: fides quaerens intellectum -- faith seeking understanding -- to use a traditional, concise and effective definition.
Now, whereas St. Bernard, typical representative of monastic theology, places the accent on the first part of the definition, that is, on fides -- faith, Abelard, who is a scholastic, stresses the second part, that is, the intellectus -- on understanding through reason. For Bernard, faith itself is gifted with a profound certainty based on the testimony of Scripture and on the teaching of the Church fathers. Faith, moreover, is reinforced by the testimony of the saints and by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in the soul of each believer. In cases of doubt or ambiguity, faith must be protected and enlightened by the exercise of the ecclesial magisterium.
So for Bernard it is difficult to agree with Abelard and, more generally, with those who subjected the truths of the faith to the critical examination of reason, an examination that, in his opinion, entailed a grave danger, intellectualism, the relativization of truth, discussion of the very truths of the faith. Bernard saw in this way of proceeding an audacity to the point of lacking scruples, fruit of the pride of human intelligence, which attempts to "grasp" the mystery of God. Pained, he wrote thus in one of his letters: "Human wit grasps everything, leaving nothing to faith. It confronts what is beyond it; scrutinizes what is superior to it; invades the world of God; alters, more than illumines, the mysteries of the faith; it does not open what is closed and sealed, but eradicates it, and what is does not find viable, it considers as nothing, and refuses to believe in it" (Epistola CLXXXVIII,1: PL 182, I, 353).
For Bernard, theology has only one end: that of promoting the intense and profound experience of God. Therefore, theology is an aid to love the Lord ever more and better, as states the title of the treatise on the Duty to Love God (De diligendo Deo). Along this way, there are different degrees, which Bernard describes in detail, up to the highest, when the soul of the believer is inebriated on the summits of love. The human soul can attain already on earth that mystical union with the Divine Word, a union that the doctor mellifluus describes as "spiritual espousals." The Divine Word visits her, eliminates the last resistances, illumines her, inflames her and transforms her. In this mystical union, [the soul] enjoys great peace and sweetness, and sings to her Spouse a hymn of joy. As I reminded in the catechesis dedicated to the life and doctrine of St. Bernard, for him theology cannot but be nourished by contemplative prayer, in other words, by the affective union of the heart and mind with God.
Abelard, on the other hand, who is precisely the one who introduced the term "theology" in the sense in which we understand it today, places himself in a different perspective. Born in Brittany, in France, this famous teacher of the 12th century was gifted with a very acute intelligence and his vocation was study. He concerned himself first with philosophy, and then applied the results obtained in this discipline to theology, which he taught in Paris, the most cultured city of the time, and subsequently, in the monasteries in which he lived. He was a brilliant orator: His lessons were followed by true and proper masses of students.
Of a religious spirit but of a restless personality, his life was full of dramatics: He refuted his teachers, had a child with Eloise, an educated and intelligent woman. He was often in controversy with his theological colleagues. He also suffered ecclesiastical condemnations, though he died in full communion with the Church, to whose authority he submitted with a spirit of faith.
In fact St. Bernard contributed to the condemnation of some of Abelard's doctrines in the provincial synod of Sens of 1140, and he also requested the intervention of Pope Innocent II. The abbot of Clairvaux rejected, as we recalled, Abelard's too-intellectualist method, which in his eyes reduced the faith to a simple opinion detached from revealed truth. Bernard's fears were not unfounded, but were shared, moreover, by other great thinkers of his time. In fact, an excessive use of philosophy made Abelard's Trinitarian doctrine dangerously fragile, and thus his idea of God. In the moral field his teaching was not lacking in ambiguity: He insisted on considering the individual's intention as the only source to describe the goodness or evil of moral acts, thus neglecting the objective meaning and moral values of actions: a dangerous subjectivism. This is -- as we know -- a very pertinent element for our times, in which culture often seems marked by a growing tendency to ethical relativism: only the "I" decides what is good for me, at this moment.
However, we must not forget the great merits of Abelard, who had many disciples and who contributed to the development of scholastic theology, destined to express itself in a more mature and fruitful way in the next century. Some of his intuitions should not be undervalued, as for example when he affirms that in non-Christian religious traditions there is already a preparation for the acceptance of Christ, Divine Word.
What can we learn today from the often heated confrontation between Bernard and Abelard and, in general, between monastic and scholastic theology? Above all I believe it shows the usefulness of and the need for a healthy discussion in the Church, especially when the questions debated have not been defined by the magisterium, which continues to be, however, an essential point of reference. St. Bernard, but also Abelard himself, always recognized, without doubting, its authority. Moreover, the condemnations that the latter suffered remind us that in the theological field there must be a balance between what we might call the architectonic principles that have been given to us by Revelation and that, because of this, always are of prime importance, and the interpretative principles suggested by philosophy, that is, by reason, which has an important function, but only instrumental. When this balance between the architecture and the instruments of interpretation diminishes, theological reflection runs the risk of being contaminated with errors, and then it corresponds to the magisterium to exercise that necessary service to truth that is proper to it.
Moreover, it must be emphasized that, between the motivations that induced Bernard to place himself against Abelard and to request the intervention of the magisterium, was, also, the concern to safeguard simple and humble believers, who must be defended when they run the risk of being confused or led astray by opinions that are too personal and by theological argumentations without scruples, which might endanger their faith.
Finally, I would like to recall that the theological confrontation between Bernard and Abelard ended with full reconciliation between them, thanks to the mediation of a common friend, Peter the Venerable, abbot of Cluny, of whom I spoke in a previous catechesis. Abelard showed humility in acknowledging his errors; Bernard used great benevolence. There prevailed in both what should truly be in the heart when a theological controversy is born, that is, to safeguard the faith of the Church and to make truth triumph in charity. May this also be the attitude with which there are confrontations in the Church, always keeping as the aim the pursuit of truth.
US Bishops Praise Maine's Marriage Vote
Urge All to Respect Union of Man and Woman
WASHINGTON, D.C., NOV. 4, 2009 ( Zenit.org).- The U.S. bishops are praising Maine's voters for speaking out in favor of the truth of marriage and repealing a state law that would have allowed same-sex "marriage."
Archbishop Joseph Kurtz of Louisville said this in a statement released today on behalf of the U.S. episcopal conference. The archbishop is also the chairman of the U.S. bishops' Ad Hoc Committee for the Defense of Marriage.
In a statewide vote held Tuesday, 53% of voters rejected a state law that would have allowed for same-sex "marriage."
The law had been passed by Maine's legislature and signed by Democratic Governor John Baldacci, but opponents successfully petitioned to put the issue to a popular vote.
Maine is the 31st state to oppose gay "marriage" at the polls. Five states now allow the unions.
"The people of Maine voted to uphold the true nature of marriage as the union of one man and one woman," noted Archbishop Kurtz. "Marriage is an institution which precedes all others, whether political or religious. It deserves the state’s reinforcement and protection."
While the archbishop acknowledged that the Church's opposition to gay "marriage" is hard for some to accept, he urged "all to respect it."
The Church "stands for the basic rights of all people," he continued, and noted that it speaks out against discrimination or unjust treatment of any group of people.
But the issue of marriage, the archbishop explained, "has nothing to do with denying basic rights to anyone, though it is often framed in such terms."
Mom and dad
"In fact, protecting marriage is safeguarding the rights of our most dependent and vulnerable among us -- our children, who deserve to be welcomed as a gift of spousal love and not to be intentionally deprived of a mother and a father," Archbishop Kurtz said.
"Protecting marriage affirms the unique and indispensable roles of mothers and fathers, and recognizes the particular responsibilities that husbands and wives bear in society," he continued. "Protecting marriage affirms the permanent and exclusive love between a husband and a wife as a wonderful and incomparable good in itself which also is of great social and practical consequence."
"Their sexual difference, man to woman and woman to man, is real and valuable -- not a social construct, and not an aspect of the human person that may be disregarded at will and without cost," the archbishop added.
He called the "difference" of man and woman as not only "essential" for marriage, but also called it "the relational context for the formation of the human person."
"Sadly, the attempts to redefine marriage today ignore or reject the unique identity and gifts of man and woman," said Archbishop Kurtz. "Such a dismissal only fosters confusion about what it means to be human.
"Protecting marriage between one man and one woman is a matter of justice. It is a matter of truth. Law should be at the service of truth and justice. Laws based on untruths are unjust.
"Working for justice presumes that we work to preserve the true meaning of marriage."
Archbishop Kurtz invited all to work toward making marriages stronger, and to not attempt to redefine it: "Marriage must be protected and promoted today for what it is and what it is meant to be: the lifelong, exclusive union between husband and wife."
"There are many ways to uphold the basic human rights of all people," he added, "but sacrificing marriage can never be one of them."
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DAILY LITURGICAL SAINT |
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http://www.americancatholic.org/Features/SaintofDay
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GENERAL
MARIOLOGY |
THE DIVINE HISTORY AND
LIFE
OF THE
VIRGIN MOTHER OF GOD
BOOK SIX
The Marriage
at Cana; How Most Holy Mary Accompanied the Re-
deemer of the
World in His Preaching: the Humility shown by the
Heavenly Queen
in regard to the Miracles Wrought by Her
Divine Son;The
Transfiguration of the Lord;His Entrance
into
Jerusalem; His Passion and Death; His Triumph
over Lucifer
and his Demons by His Death on
the Cross; the
Most Sacred Resurrection
of the Savior
and His Wonderful As-
cension into
Heaven
CHAPTER VI.
JESUS BROUGHT BEFORE PILATE. THE SCOURGING AND
CROWNING WITH THORNS.
The sun had already arisen while these things
happened and the most holy Mother, who saw it all from afar, now
resolved to leave her retreat and follow her divine Son to the house of
Pilate and to his death on the Cross. When the great Queen and Lady was
about to set forth from the Cenacle, saint John arrived in order to give
an account of all that was happening; for the beloved disciple at that
time did not know the visions, by which all the doings and sufferings of
her most holy Son were manifest to the blessed Mother. After the denial
of saint Peter, saint John had retired and had observed, more from afar
what was going on. Recognizing also the wickedness of his flight in the
garden, he confessed it to the Mother of God and asked her pardon as
soon as he came into her presence; and then he gave an account of all
that passed in his heart and of what he had done and what he had seen in
following his Master. Saint John thought it well to prepare the
afflicted Mother for her meeting with her most holy Son, in order that
She might not be overcome by the fearful spectacle of his present
condition. Therefore He sought to impress Her beforehand with some image
of his sufferings by saying: "O my Lady, in what a state of suffering is
our divine Master! The sight of Him cannot but break one's heart; for by
the buffets and the blows and by the spittle, his most beautiful
countenance is so disfigured and defiled, that Thou wilt scarcely
recognize Him with thy own eyes." The most prudent Lady listened to his
description, as if She knew nothing of the events; but She broke out in
bitterest tears of heart-rending sorrow. The holy women, who had came
forth with the Lady, also listened to saint John, and all of them were
filled with grief and terror at his words. The Queen of heaven asked the
Apostle to accompany Her and the devout women, and, exhorting them all,
She said: "Let us hasten our steps, in order that my eyes may see the
Son of the eternal Father, who took human form in my womb; and you shall
see, my dearest friends, to what the love of mankind has driven Him, my
Lord and God, and what it costs Him to redeem men from sin and death,
and to open for them the gates of heaven."
The Queen of heaven set forth through the streets of
Jerusalem accompanied by saint John and by some holy women. Of these not
all, but only the three Marys and other very pious women, followed Her
to the end. With Her were also the angels of her guard, whom She asked
to open a way for Her to her divine Son. The holy angels obeyed and
acted as her guard. On the streets She heard the people expressing their
various opinions and sentiments concerning the sorrowful events now
transpiring in reference to Jesus of Nazareth. The more kindly hearted
lamented over his fate, and they were fewest in number. Others spake
about the intention of his enemies to crucify Him; others related where
He now was and how He was conducted through the streets, bound as a
criminal; others spoke of the illtreatment He was undergoing; others
asked, what evil He had done, that He should be so misused; others again
in their astonishment and in their doubts, exclaimed: To this then have
his miracles brought Him! Without a doubt they were all impostures,
since He cannot defend or free himself!
Through the swarming and confused crowds the angels
conducted the Empress of heaven to a sharp turn of the street, where She
met her most holy Son. With the profoundest reverence She prostrated
Herself before his sovereign Person and adored it more fervently and
with a reverence more deep and more ardent than ever was given or ever
shall be given to it by all the creatures. She arose and then the Mother
and Son looked upon each other with ineffable tenderness, interiorly
conversing with each other in transports of an unspeakable sorrow. The
most prudent Lady stepped aside and then followed Christ our Lord,
continuing at a distance her interior communication with Him and with
the eternal Father. The words of her soul are not for the mortal and
corruptible tongue.
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DIVINE MERCY
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Divine Mercy In my soul
The Mercy of the Lord I will sing Forever.
Divine Mercy in my soul.
Sr. Faustina, Diary
NOTEBOOK V I
J.M.J.
The infinite Goodness
of God, in sending us His Only-Begotten Son.
God, you did not destroy man after his fall, but in Your mercy You forgave
him, You forgave in a divine way; that is, not only have You absolved him
from guilt, but You have bestowed upon him every grace. Mercy has moved You
to deign to descend among us and lift us up from our misery. God will
descend to earth; the Immortal Lord of lords will abase Himself. But where
will You descend, Lord; will it be to the temple of Solomon? Or will You
have a new Tabernacle built for Yourself? Where do You intend to come down?
O Lord, what kind of tabernacle shall we prepare for You, since the whole
earth is Your footstool?
You have indeed prepared a tabernacle for Yourself; the Blessed Virgin. Her
Immaculate Womb is Your dwelling place, and the inconceivable miracle of
Your mercy takes place, O Lord. The Word becomes flesh; God dwells among us,
the Word of God, Mercy incarnate. By Your descent, You have lifted us up to
Your divinity. Such is the excess of Your love, the abyss of Your mercy.
Heaven is amazed at the superabundance of Your love. No one fears to
approach You now. You are the God of mercy. You have compassion on misery.
You are our God, and we are Your people. You are our Father, and we are Your
children by grace. Praise be to Your mercy, that You have deigned to descend
among us.
Be adored, O God of mercy,
Because You have deigned to descend from heaven to earth.
Most humbly we adore You
For Your having vouchsafed to exalt all mankind.
Unfathomable and incomprehensible in Your mercy,
For love of us You take on flesh
From the Immaculate Virgin, ever untouched by sin,
Because You have willed it so from all ages.
The Blessed Virgin, that snow-white Lily,
Is first to praise the omnipotence of Your mercy.
Her pure Heart opens for the coming of the Word;
She believes the words of God’s messenger and is confirmed in trust.
Heaven is astounded that God has become man,
That there is on earth a heart worthy of God Himself.
Why is it that You do not united Yourself with a Seraph, but with a sinner,
O Lord?
Oh, because despite the purity of the virginal womb,
This is a mystery of Your mercy.
O mystery of God’s mercy, O God of compassion,
That you have deigned to leave the heavenly throne
And to stoop down to our misery, to human weakness,
For it is not the angels, but man who needs mercy.
To give worthy praise to the Lord’s mercy,
We unite ourselves with Your Immaculate Mother,
For then our hymn will be more pleasing to You,
Because she is chosen from among men and angels.
Through Her, as through a pure crystal,
Your mercy was passed on to us.
Through Her, man became pleasing to God;
Through Her, streams of grace flowed down upon us.
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CATHOLIC TEACHING/CONVICTION/TESTIMONY |
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CHAPTER 6
Real Protected Sex - Part I
(No Condoms Needed, Just
Chastity)
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by Keith & Tami Kiser
Going to the Limit: Maria and Al's Story
To what extremes would you go to protect your gift of
sexuality from abuse? It depends on how much you value
it. Maria obviously valued hers. Here's her story.
Nearly every time Al saw her, he would whisper in her
ear. Maria hated it. She asked him to stop, but he
wouldn't. You see, Al had the serious "hots" for Maria.
He often made crude sexual requests of her. What made
matters worse was that Maria and Al were neighbors. In
fact, they shared the same duplex on a country farm. It
was a funny house. The upstairs was divided into two
separate living quarters --one for Maria's family and
one for Al's, but the families shared a common kitchen.
Maria avoided Al whenever possible, but he wouldn't
leave her alone. One day while everyone else was out,
Maria was doing her chores in the kitchen when Al
approached her from behind. He grabbed her by the
shoulders and asked for sex. Maria instinctively lashed
out at Al, her fingernails grazing his face and drawing
blood.
When Al let go, Maria ran for the door, but she
wasn't quick enough. Al got there first. Blocking the
door, he threatened to kill her if she told anyone about
what had happened. Maria agreed and he let her go.
On a hot day in June, it happened again. Only this
time, Al was determined to get what he wanted. He
entered the kitchen again, but this time he had a knife.
He wrestled Maria to the floor and pinned her down with
his knee. "Have sex with me or I'll kill you" was his
demand.
Maria resisted and pleaded: "No! No! I will not. I
will not! No, because it is a sin. God forbids it. You
will go to hell, Al. You will go to hell if you do it.
No, I will not. No! It's a sin!"
Al stabbed Maria fourteen times and left her alone to
die on the kitchen floor in a puddle of her own blood.
She lay there over an hour before she was discovered.
It was 2:00 P.m. when she was attacked. It wasn't
until six that evening that Maria reached the hospital
in a horse-drawn ambulance. She was operated on without
anesthesia --to no avail. Maria was dying. A priest was
called and Maria made her last confession, received her
final Communion, and she was anointed.
Maria had one final wish. She asked God to forgive
Al. (Imagine doing that!) She hoped that one day he
could join her in heaven.
Maria Goretti was scarcely twelve years old when she
died. Al (Alessandro) was nineteen. (All reports
indicate that Maria looked like a mature fourteen--or
fifteen-year-old girl --which would explain why a
nineteen-year-old was interested in her.)
On June 24, 1950, Pope Pius XII bestowed on Maria
Goretti the highest honor that can be given to anyone.
He proclaimed her to be a canonized saint of the
Catholic Church. He also declared her the patroness of
youth.
Guess who was present at her canonization? Maria's
mother and siblings and more than a half million other
Catholics! This marked the first time that a saint's
mother had ever been present at the saint's
canonization. This also marked the first time that a
canonization had to be held outside in St. Peter's
Square because so many people wanted to celebrate this
young girl's virtue of chastity.
Guess who testified on behalf of Maria's holiness
during the canonization process? Alessandro, her
murderer! During his prison term, Alessandro had a dream
in which Maria gave him a bouquet of fourteen lilies,
symbolizing her forgiveness. You'll remember that
Alessandro had stabbed Maria fourteen times.
After the dream, Alessandro was overcome with sorrow
and he repented of his terrible crime. When he was
released from prison, he immediately sought the
forgiveness of Maria's mother and family. It was
granted, and he subsequently became very close to the
family.
During Alessandro's final years, he became a
Franciscan lay monk. He wrote the following note shortly
before his death: "I ask pardon of the world for the
outrage done to the Martyr Maria Goretti and to purity.
I exhort everyone to keep away from immoral shows, from
dangers, from occasions that can lead to sin" (quote
from Fourteen Flowers of Pardon video; produced
by The Mercy Foundation of Scottsdale, Arizona).
Real Protected Sex
We hear a lot these days about "protected sex." But
it's not the kind of protected sex that Maria Goretti
practiced. Usually what's meant by "protected sex" is
using a condom to prevent disease and pregnancy. The way
billboards, TV ads, and school health classes treat the
condom, we get the impression that the condom is our
national hero. The media would have us believe that if
every guy had a condom in his wallet there would be no
more sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted
pregnancies. The facts don't support such a claim.
But even if condoms could do away with STDs and teen
pregnancies, it wouldn't change the fact that this kind
of "protected sex" still promotes the abuse of our
sexual gift. It encourages us to use our sexual gift in
a way that reduces sex to an animal act. It cheapens
what's very valuable and very holy. It encourages us to
be slaves to our desires and impulses.
On top of this, those who promote the condom fail to
consider the spiritual and emotional consequences of
premarital sex. As we have pointed out, sex outside of
marriage is a serious offense against God. It's a mortal
sin; it kills our relationship with God and makes us
unfit for heaven. Using a condom (or any method of
artificial birth control) only increases the seriousness
of the offense against God. (More on this in Chapter
10.) We have also heard it said that there is no condom
for the heart. A condom can't protect you against the
emotional scars that premarital sex can create.
And besides, as you know, condoms aren't foolproof
when it comes to pregnancy and disease either. Condoms
break; condoms leak; condoms slip off, condoms have
microscopic holes that some viruses and STDs can
permeate (the AIDS virus is six to ten times smaller
than the average holes in a condom); condoms don't get
used correctly in the heat of passion; condoms don't
cover the entire genital area, leaving these uncovered
areas exposed to disease. It's no wonder that condoms
have an estimated failure rate for pregnancy prevention
that is as high as thirty percent. That means couples
risk pregnancy three out of ten times they have sex
using a condom.
The past forty years have seen an unprecedented rise
in the use of birth control; yet, since 1960,
illegitimate birth rates have increased more than four
hundred percent, and the number of unmarried teenagers
getting pregnant has nearly doubled in the past two
decades.
Using a condom doesn't protect our sexual gift. But
there is a way to protect our sexuality that's a hundred
percent reliable. It's totally safe: no babies before
marriage, guaranteed; no harmful side effects; no
diseases; no AIDS; no emotional scars; no mortal sins;
no used people; no painful bonds created; no regrets; no
slavish relationships. No kidding!
What's more, this method of protecting your gift will
make you stronger. We guarantee it'll make you a better
person --more loving, more trustworthy, less wimpy and
wishy-washy, and, certainly, more patient.
There's one catch: It's hard work. How does that old
saying go? No pain, no gain. Don't wimp out. Don't cave
in. Don't lose your spine! Don't be a jellyfish. With
God's help, you can handle it. And besides, you're
tougher than you think.
What are we talking about? Developing the virtue of
chastity.
The Chastity Belt
Did you see the movie Robin Hood: Men in Tights?
In that movie the heroine, Maid Marian, was forced to
wear an iron chastity belt around her private parts. The
belt was kept under lock and key so that it was
impossible for her to have sex until her future "hubby"
unlocked it. Of course, Marian's condition was made fun
of throughout the movie. Her chastity belt was seen as
terribly restrictive and as something she eagerly
desired to be freed from.
It's unfortunate, but the virtue of chastity is
viewed this way by today's media. It's unfortunate
because the virtue of chastity is not a negative virtue.
It's just the opposite. Chastity sets us free. It
releases us from slavery to our sexual passions and
makes us able to use our sexual gift to its fullest
potential and pleasure. The truth is: Practicing the
virtue of chastity results in the greatest possible
sexual pleasure and happiness.
But what's chastity? It's a virtue. And what's
a virtue? A virtue is simply a good habit that
helps us to do the right thing (what God wants). We
aren't born with virtues. In fact, they can be quite
difficult for us to develop (remember concupiscence; see
last chapter). Virtues are learned. They take practice
and effort to develop.
Keith's brother plays basketball for his high school.
He's six feet one. It's been a dream of his to slam-dunk
since he was a small boy. But all the dreaming and
wishing in the world won't make it possible for him to
dunk. (Keith knows from trying the wish-and-dream
method.) Bobby knows this, too, so he's put himself on a
strenuous daily workout routine to develop his leg
strength. In time, he hopes to have developed his
jumping ability to the point of making his dream of
dunking a basketball a reality.
The virtues, including chastity, take a similar
effort if we are to learn how to successfully practice
them. But if practiced often enough, they can become
second nature to us --much like dunking a basketball is
to Michael Jordan.
When we say that somebody has "character," we are
saying that this person has developed many virtues (good
habits) and that he can be relied upon to practice them
all the time or nearly always. Honesty, moral strength
and endurance, sincerity, generosity, kindness,
self-control, and truthfulness are some of the virtues
that we all admire in people.
Chastity is the virtue that helps us to use our
sexuality in the right way. It helps us to be in control
of our sexuality --not controlled by our passions. More
specifically, chastity helps us to use our sexuality in
accordance with the state in life we are in.
All people are called to practice this virtue. The
way this virtue is expressed depends on whether or not
you are married. Chastity is not just for those who are
unmarried teenagers. Priests and those in the religious
life are called to practice this virtue. And we, as a
married couple, are called to be chaste as well.
Chastity is a virtue that must be practiced throughout
life if we are going to please God and if our sexuality
is going to give us happiness and pleasure. (Cf. CCC
2348.)
But how can a married couple practice chastity?
Doesn't chastity mean not having sex? No, not if you're
married. It means using your sexual gift properly in
whatever state in life you find yourself. For married
couples, being chaste means giving your sexual gift to
each other in the act of sexual intercourse. But it also
means avoiding all sexual acts and thoughts that are not
right even when you are married. Some of these include:
using birth control, lusting after other people, and
adultery. For those who are unmarried, chastity also
means not having sexual intercourse or doing those acts
that lead up to the sex act. Chastity is more than a
list of dos and don'ts (although these are important).
Chastity is the virtue that keeps us from being
controlled by our sexual passions and drives. It helps
us to battle crude thoughts and conquer them. (Cf. CCC
2349.)
If you don't learn how to ski when you're young, it's
pretty difficult (although not impossible) to pick it up
when you're in your forties. It's the same with the
virtue of chastity. The younger you are when you form
this virtue, the better. Because if you don't learn it
as a teenager, it can be awfully difficult (although not
impossible) to develop once you're older.
And if you haven't learned this virtue by the time
you get married, it can lead to unfaithfulness and
adultery. Other men and women don't suddenly appear ugly
once you're married. Studies have revealed that those
who were sexually active before marriage are more likely
to cheat on their spouses than those who were virgins
when they were married.
As we mentioned in a previous chapter, we're often
asked why God gives teenagers such strong sexual drives
when they can't yet use this gift. Could one possible
reason be because God wants us to learn how to control
this drive before we give ourselves totally to one other
person in a lifelong marriage? We definitely think so.
And developing the virtue of chastity can give us the
kind of control of our sexual passions that can offer us
a lifetime of sexual enjoyment and fulfillment with our
one spouse.
After all, you could be married to the same spouse
for fifty years or more!
There's another incentive for developing this virtue
early. Sexual sins have a way of sticking, like chewing
gum does to your shoes. Each sin against chastity makes
it harder and harder to resist temptation in the future.
Sexual sins have a way of embedding themselves in our
memory. These memories can lead us into future
temptations and can make us more susceptible to fall
again. (Cf. CCC 2342.)
We have a middle-aged friend who was hooked on porn
when he was a teenager. Our friend's dad had a bookshelf
in their house full of pornographic novels, and our
friend read every one of them when he was in his teens.
He's convinced now that reading those books was one of
the biggest mistakes he'd ever made. It has negatively
affected his marriage in a way that he never dreamed
possible. He related that these scenes have haunted him
often. He desperately wishes that he would have fought
harder to develop the virtue of chastity when he was a
teenager. (Cf. CCC 2354.)
But remember what we said in the last chapter,
through penance God can always give us a new beginning
even if we have trouble with some of the physical and
emotional consequences. These memories will still haunt
you. But with time and lots of prayer and the sacrament
of reconciliation, these effects can be lessened.
Conclusion: Chastity = Freedom
In the next chapter we lay out a specific game plan
for developing the virtue of chastity, a plan that
really works. This game plan is very important because
chastity gives us a freedom that those who abuse their
gift don't have. We conclude this chapter with a list
that Tom and Judy Lickona give in their book Sex,
Love and You. It's a list of some of the freedoms
that chastity enables us to have:
CHASTITY GIVES YOU FREEDOM FROM ...
-guilt, doubt, worry, and regret.
-having to wonder, "How far will I go with this person
on this date?"
-being used by others and using other people.
-sexually transmitted diseases (and, for girls, the
possibility of not being able to bear a child because of
an STD).
-having to choose between raising a child you aren't
ready for and giving up your baby for adoption.
-the trauma of abortion.
-loss of reputation.
-pressure to marry early or to marry the wrong person.
-the ghosts of past sexual relationships invading your
marriage.
CHASTITY GIVES YOU FREEDOM TO...
-exercise control over your life.
-develop real friendships based on mutual respect,
-shared thoughts, and shared feelings.
-develop skills, talents, and interests.
-have many relationships.
-develop self-respect and self-control.
-finish your education and achieve financial stability
before having to marry.
-find a potential mate who values you for the person you
are.
-enjoy greater trust in marriage (because you don't have
to worry, "Is he or she going to fool around with
someone else, the way we fooled around before we were
married?").
-stay out of sexual sin and grow in your relationship
with God. |
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